La cebolla

Noticias brevementes
Tacen, Slovenia In a grandiose gesture of universal goodwill, one carload of US National Whitewater Slalom Team athletes chose to share the delicious apple pie baked for the Team by the proprietress of their hotel in Prague, Czech Republic, with all their teammates, refraining from eating the entire pie themselves and hushing up the existence of the pie, as may easily have happened in a group less amicable and big-hearted. “I don’t think I’ve ever had such a good pie!” said one passenger of this generous car, smiling from ear to ear, “And the best part is, there was plenty for everyone!”
The Team appears to be in high spirits, despite stress associated with the long drive to Tacen and the inclement weather they braved during their first training session at the new site. “What really makes this sport neat is that it’s something that we can do with our friends,” said one long-time member of the Team. Team members cited the time that they spend together abroad as a major component to their deep caring for one another, and their understanding of one another’s hopes, fears, and ambitions. “His ceaseless whining and the rancid smell of his socks does not in the slightest fill me with righteous anger and a hankering for physical retribution,” said another Team member of his roommate. “There is rain on my back,” he added, “and my heart is filled with joy.” Another athlete says that her affection for her team members is somehow embodied in a pleasant, warm sensation deep in her bosom, quite the opposite of a sharp stabbing pain at the temples. “All of their intelligent, insightful comments make me marvel at their insight and intelligence,” she said, “I have no desire to call them on their bullshit or to bludgeon them with whatever heavy, blunt object is close at hand.” Other Team members murmured assent, as is customary in this tight-knit circle of kindred spirits. Cries of “Hosanna!” and “Peace be with you!” are common at Team meetings, which, eagerly anticipated by one and all, are brief and informative, and which athletes do not prolong unnecessarily either by sitting in an unresponsive, sullen stupor or by asking passive-aggressive questions indicative either or staggering arrogance or glaring stupidity.
Zuzana Vanha, staff reporter.